As a webmaster of a Filipina Penpal and dating site, I’m amazed at some member’s relationship mentality. For whatever reason, they view online dating as a jump from meeting to instant marriage without any courtship. This is not the road to take for a successful marriage, be it you meet at an online dating site or your local church.
Most initial contact is based on physical attraction. However, I recommend to members of my site to start out as penpals and act accordingly. No sexual innuendos, no promises, no commitments -- take your time getting to know each other and see where it leads. Relationships based solely on looks is usually a recipe for disaster. I’m not saying attraction is not important, but it isn’t the sole criterion to sustaining a long and happy marriage. There has to be more to a relationship than the way he or she looks, but also on what he or she has in common.
Online dating to some is an avenue to circumvent the courtship process. They see someone online, exchange a few emails, and instantly declare love. In a traditional dating scenario you don’t usually declare love after a few dates. Why should online dating be any different? The courting process after meeting someone online should be similar to traditional dating. There is an attraction, you exchange emails, and if interest is sparked you flirt, communicate, and even do a version of traditional dating through online chats, phone calls and spending time getting to know each other. Online dating is not an environment where marriage success is magically guaranteed with a “hello” to a “I do” without involving the courting process.
Taking the penpal approach to meeting someone online, may help keep your behavior in check. I’m amazed when a gentleman is flirting with a lady within the first or second email. This person is usually trying to circumvent the courtship process and in doing so is asking for problems. Many who flirt when flirting is not appropriate, is the type of person a hustler is looking for. Keeping your words appropriate for the stage of the relationship you are in and by starting out as penpals, may be your safest and best approach to finding true love.
If you are in a hurry or feel you don’t have time to waste looking for love, you need to rearrange your priorities or in the long run you may waste a lot more time in divorce court or involved with an unhappy marriage. Do yourself a favor -- be a penpal first and let the stages of courtship develop naturally. If you are as lucky as I was, not only will you find true love, but also a best friend for life.
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